Here's an email I sent to a close personal acquaintance of mine the other day:
Dear Andy
I recall a few weeks back during a certain poker tournament you mentioned that you were hiring writers. I also recall that after I politely raised the possibility that I might apply for the job, you suggested that I had no writing skills.
Appalled by this slur on my reputation, I have today decided to make a quick career change and apply for any positions you have available. When considering my suitability I hope you will read the attached review which I have drafted to demonstrate that I do, in fact, have mad writing skills. I have not attached my CV because I consider this unnecessary.
So when do I start? If necessary I can write reviews while continuing to work at my current job, which is practically in a related field anyway.
Attachment:
Review: Andy's Face
What’s Hot:
Lack of scarring, “Premium” white skin colour
What’s Not:
Only available in one colour, Face is “male” as opposed to the generally preferred “female”.
The Final Word:
Andy’s Face is an affordable model with some interesting features that makes it well worth considering for the average face-buyer.
Claiming to be the hottest new face on the Berowra scene, the “Andy’s Face” prototype contains an attractive array of features certain to entice even the most jaded face-purchasing consumers.
Andy’s Face contains the industry standard layout comprising of two-eyes, a mouth and a nose located in the centre of the face. This un-inspiring “same-same” approach to face design is not particularly impressive, however we were not necessarily expecting anything revolutionary in that regard from the Kliem Corporation’s first foray in the world of Face-making.
One of the first things we noticed when reviewing Andy’s Face was the attractively located cheek bones, interesting use of shading and the almost total absence of disease. However, the in-built “eyeball” cameras that came with the model performed below the standard one would expect for a model of this type. The camera takes poor resolution images with auto-focus apparently disabled. In this day and age anything less than the 20-20 resolution that comes standard with most models is undesirable and not a strong selling point. Having said that, they do function passably without the need for any resolution-enhancing accessories.
Picture quality is about what we would expect for a model of this age and size (that is, the model is reasonably photogenic without being too showy about it).
Andy’s Face comes with its own pose-able stand comprising of a torso, arms, legs and head that hold the Face firmly in place. The stand is quite bulky, even when compared with similar stands sold with other models, however during the course of thorough testing we found it performed adequately. As an added bonus the stand itself can be used to perform various peripheral activities, such as drinking and playing poker.
One of the main detracting features we noticed about Andy’s Face and the accompanying stand is that it was quite difficult to control, even when threatened. The Face has a tendency act of its own accord, sometimes even to the point of acting totally independently of its owners control. This design flaw is not something this reviewer considers acceptable, although this may be forgiven considering the cheap asking price.
Fortunately there are a range of accessories that can be purchased which can give increased control over the Face, including whips, tasers and guns, however these must be purchased separately.
