"A 45-year old Danish municipal worker was tragically killed by an industrial robotic lawnmower this afternoon, after the unit tumbled off a slope and onto the poor fellow doing his job."
"You can't be fuelled by bitterness. It can eat you up, but it cannot drive you" - Benazir Bhutto, assassinated Pakistani politician.
A Saudi Arabian Cleric has stated Mickey Mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and must be killed.
"Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases." - Sheikh Muhammad Munajid.
"Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the "bikini Olympics", claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."
"I subsequently put it to the former minister late last night that there had been too many reports of you in your underwear for me to ignore." - NSW Premier Nathan Rees.
On Monday Mr McGuire lectured Collingwood players about their responsibilities and highlighted how much sacrifice club officials, including himself, had made.
It is believed Mr McGuire indicated being president had cost him "four or five" Gold logies. He refused further comment last night.
People who need people are the happiest people of all, but about a quarter of Australians are socially isolated and feel they do not belong, research shows.
The people who know me will have noticed that recently I have become enraged...much more so than usual. And all the time too, not just on weekdays or after a few pints. Why you ask, why!? Is it because some kid vomited on his new shoes? Did he get pulled over by the cops cause he ran over some pedestrian who deserved it? Was he bitten by a smelly hippy, so now he will become one?
All those things happened, but they aren't why I'm angry at this particular moment. No, the answer is much more obvious.
I'm angry about the substance that greases our TV screens, burns in our light bulbs and causes the earth to spin on it's axis around the sun. I'm talking about the stuff that all life depends upon, that sweet, black, Texas-T style oil! God I love it, but on the other hand, I hate paying for it, and that's part of why I'm angry. Allow me to explain.
As we all know, the only reason I supported the Iraq war was so that I could save a few bucks down at the gas station. At least I can be honest about it. Some of those right-wingers are still trying to convince us they supported the war because of "Weapons of mass destruction" and "humanitarian" reasons, but now that we have conclusive proof that there were never any WMD's, and that no crimes were ever committed by Saddam at any stage, I think a few more conservatives are going to come out with the truth: "We wanted Iraqi oil by the barrelful, yeeeehaw!" - Cheney.
But don't think the right-wingers are the only ones who got it all wrong. I remember it was the protesters, not the neo-cons, who were promising me the big oil savings. "Blood for oil?" I thought, watching one of many protests. "Sounds like a fair trade to me!”
But now I find the exact opposite has happened! Uncertainty over the Iraq war has actually contributed to increasing oil prices, along with increasing demand in India and China. And it gets worse. I opened up the paper the other day to find that Australia is waiving a $600 million debt owed to us for wheat shipments we made before 1991, $500 million of which will be paid for by ME, John Q. Taxpayer! I have to pay $3 for a loaf of bread, meanwhile the government is handing out the stuff for free!
What a rip! But anyway, where was I?
Ah yes, the Iraqi oil price scandal.
In light of the fact that oil prices have gone through the roof, no significant stockpiles of WMD's have been found, and that Muqtada al-Sadr has just been elected president of the interim Iraqi government (an event that will no doubt precede the total collapse of Iraq), it is clear that we should not have invaded Iraq.
Instead, we should have invaded India and China.
A quick, decapitation strike aimed at their governments should be able to stop them before they can get their fingers on their nuclear mega-death kill switches. Then we can relax, sit back and enjoy the show as a general bombing campaign aimed at their infrastructure/businesses/oil refineries/homes etc blasts them until there's nothing left.
Because if they think they're going to enjoy economic prosperity at my expense, even if that expense amounts to a few cents a litre, then they can bloody well think again!
Run faster fatty! The nation's hopes for Olympic glory rest on your shoulders!
From: Everything that's wrong with society, and why it's your fault.
Everyone pays too much tax these days. Why? Because the working class (that’s me, plus a few other people) foot the bill for lazy humanities students who are good at writing endless essays about nothing but will never become useful in the real world. That includes you!
We both know you’ll skip the country when the HECS bill arrives. Just give us a break.
And another thing. I always just miss my train. Every day. If I come 5 minutes early, it leaves 5 minutes and 10 seconds early. If I’m late, same story. I know you’re involved somehow!
The train service stinks. Always has and always will. And what have you done about it?? Nothing!
Some people blame City Rail. I know better.
All these things make God angry. All I can say is you’re part of the problem. I wouldn’t want to be you on Judgment day.
This website is bullshit. I can’t make head nor tail of the front page, and it only gets worse if I’m foolhardy enough to venture into those other sections. Most of them seem to be packed with your extreme anti-abortion views. I wish I was making this stuff up.
It’s just all very hard to read, especially for someone who’s blind. Have you considered adding Braille? I’d wager you haven’t!
Just forget your website for a moment. Sit down and listen to what I’m telling you. Get a real job. Something in the mining industry. That’s where the big money is.
In conclusion, if I were a lumberjack, I’d chop your house down.
