My boss was complaining today about the dozens of semi-literate, incomprehensible or otherwise unsuitable job applications he has been receiving for a position he's currently offering online.
I decided to jump on Seek and submit an application myself, to show those amateurs how it's done. Behold!
JOB APPLICATION
From Christoff Morris
Hire me now!
I am the Evil twin of Christopher Morris, but I am way better than he is!
We were separated at a young age, he was sent to Australia, I was sent to Russia.
Boy did I draw the short straw!
Regardless, my time trekking through the desolate Siberian wastelands taught me valuable skills that make me well suited to working in the fields of law, or accounting.
I can track and kill a Seal with my bare hands, and I can live for weeks at a time by eating snow, and nothing else.
I also briefly studied hand-to-hand combat with the KGB. Should your respectable firm have any enemies, I can discreetly "take care" of them, if you catch my drift.
I have not attached a resume, because my covering letter is awesome.
So when do I start?
I look forward to your positive response.
P.S. Hire me and I can give you all the dirt on Christopher you could ever need, and some other stuff about him you'll wish you'd never learned.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
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