IN OTHER NEWS

Opposition Immigration spokesman Scott Morrison, Labor MP Jason Clare, independent MP Robert Oakeshott and a group of young people are currently travelling on the Sandakan Mateship Trek in commemoration of the 1,000 Diggers who were force marched to their death in World War Two.

“The Mateship Trek is an opportunity to not only learn about and commemorate the sacrifice of our Diggers but also about appreciating the values that bind us as a nation,” Mr Morrison said.

The gruelling 260km march began on 8 April 2011 and the group is expected to return on Sunday 17 April 2011 in time for ANZAC services being held in Australia.

Predictably, Scott Morrison seized the opportunity to try and murder Oakeshott during the trek, however his efforts were thwarted by Clare:

Foiled again

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Another NSW State election will be held tomorrow. Leading contender Barry O'Farrell was spotted below:

At the Woodstock Kindergarten in the previously safe, Labor-held inner-western Sydney seat of Strathfield, Mr O'Farrell had to develop his upside-down reading skills as he rested The Very Hungry Caterpillar on his lap and read it aloud. The 20 eager preschoolers did an excellent impression of never having heard a word of it before.

Later, Mr O'Farrell was shown the ropes of an alphabet-learning computer game by four-year-old Shewta Adaikalavan. As he was leaving, one of Shewta's classmates (a little boy, of course) called out to Mr O'Farrell: "You're a silly bum-bum."

"What did you say?" the putative NSW premier said with mock outrage. The little boy was suddenly lost for words, but his mate kindly volunteered: "He said you were a silly bum-bum."

Never before have I seen such an incisive description of either candidate at any election. Sometimes it takes an innocent child to state what we’re all thinking but are too afraid to say out loud, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. Pages of analysis couldn’t sum up O’Farrell quite as accurately as this four-year-old.

I’m voting for that kid. For real change.

Silly bum-bum.

Doodie head.

SHOCKING UPDATE!!!!

A random Liberal hanger-on (forefront) was spotted here, pummelling his wife with both fists. O'Farrell sits with wife Rosemary watching on in amusement.

MORE ELECTION MADNESS

Tony Abbott brought a twist to the Australian election campaign today, by kidnapping a child:

"Aaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaa!" - Abbott

How absconding with a youngster would help his campaign has yet to be determined.

Abbott has yet to offer a comment and has not been seen since he ran off down the road.



P.S. I promise this will be the last election-related blog post. But like all promises relating to an election campaign, this one will probably be broken.

LOL-POLITICS

JULIA Gillard has still yet to talk directly to Kevin Rudd about him joining her campaign, saying they have been communicating by text message.

Ms Gillard she hopes to catch up with Mr Rudd in Brisbane tomorrow but conceded she had not spoken directly with him.

“We're chronic, chronic texters, chronic BlackBerry users,” Ms Gillard told ABC radio.

“And so we've been communicating like that and we're going to catch up face-to-face on Saturday.”

In another stunning exclusive, this blog has obtained a transcript of the text messages exchanged between the two politicians:


Text message sent by Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard ("JG"): oh hai dere! u still mad??

Text message sent in reply by former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd ("KR"): wtf LOL yes

JG: zomg lyk build a bridge & lyk get over it

KR: u get over it

JG: k cn u lyk stop bein baby n help me stop abbott nao?

KR: u stop bein baby & you help me stop abbott now!

JG: um k. will u halp or no?

KR: ye ye sure whatevs. i can has ministry 4 foreign affairs now?

JG: ummmmmmmmmmm….......yes

KR: sweet

JG: we b friends now?

KR: Lol


Politics at it’s finest.


SHOCKING UPDATE!!!!

Political campaign descends into no-holds-barred wrestling match, somehow.



SHOCKING TWITTER EXCHANGE!!!!
(Between myself and the editor of The Punch David Penberthy, after he posted this article)

@Penbo Hey, you stole my idea! http://tiny.cc/wv4h5

Penbo @MrDenorris great (or strange) minds mate. Didn't see yours til you sent me the link. Honest!

THE END IS NIGH

Labor was returned to power at yesterday's State election, in spite of their deliberate attempts to wreck up the State's roads and public transport. We can now look forward to four more years of this:

The Pacific Highway

I HOPE THEY BOTH LOSE

That's Morris Iemma, pictured on the cover of today's Daily Telegraph groping an innocent child. Is there nothing this madman won't do in his desperate last ditch attempt to cling onto power? I contend there is not.

In the interest of balanced coverage I've also included this photo of Debnam:

Although he doesn't appear to be doing anything particularly evil in this photo, it should be obvious to even the most blinded Liberal Party zealot that he's up to no good. Who knows what diabolical schemes he's plotting to unleash on an unsuspecting public?And don't ask me who that bloke on the right is. He's probably Satan's ambassador to Earth, or someone equally sinister.

I don't know about you but I'm planning to vote for a third party. Perhaps the Shooter Party, or the Mad Hatter's Tea Party will do the trick. Better to vote for some random potential nutter in the hope they won't do as much damage as the current batch of proven nutters. God help us all.

Or perhaps the smartest thing to do would be to simply not vote at all, and instead heave half a brick at the nearest candidate.The way I see it, the politicians owe me some light entertainment. Watching them scatter to the wind as they flee from a barrage of heavy objects I've hurled at them would fill me with joy.

"Force me into the voting booth, will you?? I'll have the last laugh yet, you bastards! Hahahahaaaaa!"

I'll see you all on Court TV.

THERE'S A POLITICAL DEBATE ON! CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

Apparently a political debate between Premier Morris Iemma and Opposition leader Peter Debnam is brewing, a few months out from the next state election. Old-man Iemma wants to have the hour-long debate while sitting down, with the debate to be interrupted by a 15 minute nap, while youthful, exuberant Peter Debnam wants to have the debate while running a marathon.

My money's on Debnam to win the election, although obviously if he does so I will be reduced to wailing in horror and despair. The thought of either man getting his hands on the levers of government fills me with an acute sense of dread.

It's a lot like being in a doctor's surgery, waiting to be told whether the massive lump growing on your face is herpes or cancer. Whatever the outcome, you lose.


UPDATE!!

After doing some research, I found out that while Iemma is 45 years old, Peter Debnam is an ancient 51! My apologies if I gave the impression Iemma was older, I was counting his age in Dog years. I thought he was 315.