WORDS FOR YOU TO LIVE BY

News: a movie portraying Margaret Thatcher will be out soon. Fun fact about Maggie's late husband:


In public, he nearly always kept his opinions to himself, but he was believed to have been instrumental in at least three Cabinet sackings, insisting to his wife that she had to get rid of people who were not reliable.

"Loyalty, to me, is the one quality all men must have" he once said.



Consider that my new motto, once you take out the commas.

I WILL DESTROY THE LOT OF YOU

A lot of my friends have been starting up their own blogs lately. Like this and this and this and this and this and this and this one as well.

That's what I refer to as "muscling in on my territory". My attitude to all of this is summed up here.

A PRANKTACULAR APRIL FOOLS PRANKING

One of my sisters went pranking recently, with pranktacular results. The target: her twin sister's desk.


Before the improvements:

After being improved:

That's my sister, digitally edited into the photos. Or maybe she was actually there with Beiber, I don't know.

Epic.

Hat tip to Katrina Morris for creating this pranktastic shrine to the power of pranking, and to the unfortunate victim: Vanessa Morris.

ON THIS DAY

On this day in 1990: "President Bush and Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev agreed to reduce stockpiles of long-range nuclear weapons". But not by firing them at each other. Boring!

This day in 1990 sucked! Here's hoping for a more fun-filled day tomorrow:

DESK CALENDAR WISDOM

From today's desk calendar: insults listed and called un-Parliamentary in Great Britain's Parliamentary Handbook:

Cad. Pecksniffian cant. Stool pigeon. Guttersnipe. Murderer. Swine. Cheeky young pup.

I fear I would not do well in Great Britain's Parliament. My entire repertoire of insults, wiped out in one cruel stroke.

Those Pecksniffian cants have done me over again!

IN OTHER NEWS

Opposition Immigration spokesman Scott Morrison, Labor MP Jason Clare, independent MP Robert Oakeshott and a group of young people are currently travelling on the Sandakan Mateship Trek in commemoration of the 1,000 Diggers who were force marched to their death in World War Two.

“The Mateship Trek is an opportunity to not only learn about and commemorate the sacrifice of our Diggers but also about appreciating the values that bind us as a nation,” Mr Morrison said.

The gruelling 260km march began on 8 April 2011 and the group is expected to return on Sunday 17 April 2011 in time for ANZAC services being held in Australia.

Predictably, Scott Morrison seized the opportunity to try and murder Oakeshott during the trek, however his efforts were thwarted by Clare:

Foiled again

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Another NSW State election will be held tomorrow. Leading contender Barry O'Farrell was spotted below:

At the Woodstock Kindergarten in the previously safe, Labor-held inner-western Sydney seat of Strathfield, Mr O'Farrell had to develop his upside-down reading skills as he rested The Very Hungry Caterpillar on his lap and read it aloud. The 20 eager preschoolers did an excellent impression of never having heard a word of it before.

Later, Mr O'Farrell was shown the ropes of an alphabet-learning computer game by four-year-old Shewta Adaikalavan. As he was leaving, one of Shewta's classmates (a little boy, of course) called out to Mr O'Farrell: "You're a silly bum-bum."

"What did you say?" the putative NSW premier said with mock outrage. The little boy was suddenly lost for words, but his mate kindly volunteered: "He said you were a silly bum-bum."

Never before have I seen such an incisive description of either candidate at any election. Sometimes it takes an innocent child to state what we’re all thinking but are too afraid to say out loud, cutting straight to the heart of the matter. Pages of analysis couldn’t sum up O’Farrell quite as accurately as this four-year-old.

I’m voting for that kid. For real change.

Silly bum-bum.

Doodie head.

SHOCKING UPDATE!!!!

A random Liberal hanger-on (forefront) was spotted here, pummelling his wife with both fists. O'Farrell sits with wife Rosemary watching on in amusement.

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS

See if you can guess the rest of this headline: Hugh Hefner's lady shows off her massive...



UPDATE!!!!

And in other celebrity news:

Troubled actor Matthew Newton has broken his silence for the first time since allegedly attacking former girlfriend Rachael Taylor, confirming he remains in treatment for "a long-term and undiagnosed ailment".

It's called "being a douche".

APOLOGIES

By all accounts, 2010 was a slow year for posting on Where's Me Pint.

Personally, I blame a lack of competition. Where's Me Pint's market domination is absolute and unchallenged. With no possibility of any other blogs moving in on my territory, there is no need to produce any further content. I can simply coast on my previous efforts and watch the money roll in.

A shot from the living room of my beach-side mansion, paid for with the profits from Where's Me Pint.



More splendour.

One of the many cars in my collection. This one came with Kim Kardashian.

Stop me if I'm making you jealous.

Living large at beach-side parties is all part of the Where's Me Pint lifestyle. That's me in the middle.

On the other hand, it's not always easy being insanely cashed up on cold hard blog monies, living in magnificent beach-side mansions while partying day and night with many scantily clad ladies. But someone has to do it.

UPDATE!!!!

My accountant informs me Where's Me Pint is operating at a loss, and has been from the beginning. Shit!

He has also informed me those are images of Tiger Wood's house, and that my recollection involving those other images may not be 100% accurate. Shit!


MEGA-UPDATE!!!!

The rest of 2010 was also shit-house. Naturally that was everyone else's fault.


SUPER-MEGA-UPDATE!!!!

Good news! I've fired my accountant.