IT BEGINS

"A 45-year old Danish municipal worker was tragically killed by an industrial robotic lawnmower this afternoon, after the unit tumbled off a slope and onto the poor fellow doing his job."

The name of the robot that murdered him was "Dvorak Spider 01 Unit".

I for one welcome our new robot overlords. All hail master Dvorak!

IN DEFENCE OF BITTERNESS

Desk calendar quote of the day:

"You can't be fuelled by bitterness. It can eat you up, but it cannot drive you" - Benazir Bhutto, assassinated Pakistani politician.

Yeah well, if she had it all figured out, how come she's dead?

If she had been filled with bitterness like the rest of us*, she would have played it smart and kept her head down. Instead she decided to let a smile be her umbrella, like all those deluded upbeat types. Turns out that isn't enough to protect you from a hail of bullets.

At any rate, I'm afraid I will have to disagree. Bitterness can drive you, to acts of spite, which in turn bring untold satisfaction. For example, it's bitterness that drives a man to hit the 'close door' button on an elevator and then watch the doors slam shut in the face of some shmoe who was running towards the elevator but didn't quite make it. Deeeelicious >: )


*If you're one of those rare, insufferable individuals who aren't filled with bitterness, get lost! You're not welcome here, or in any of the other places my associates and I congregate.

LAME JOKE ALERT

A Saudi Arabian Cleric has stated Mickey Mouse is "one of Satan's soldiers" and must be killed.

"Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases." - Sheikh Muhammad Munajid.

Surely he's taking the Mickey.

*Audience/readers: Booooooooo! Hissssss! Get off the stage, c***!*

"Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the "bikini Olympics", claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits."

Well, duh. Satan is a guy.

BUSINESS AS USUAL IN STATE POLITICS

"I subsequently put it to the former minister late last night that there had been too many reports of you in your underwear for me to ignore." - NSW Premier Nathan Rees.

A few days in as the top dog of the state and the defining quote of his premiership has already been decided.

I weep for NSW.

IS THIS THING STILL HERE?

Oh right, I just remembered I have a blog.

I suppose I'll get around to updating it, when I can be arsed.