WANTED: VILLAIN

Here's an email I sent around to all my co-workers the other day:

As you may already be aware, someone has seen fit to shuffle the dates on my desktop calendar and they are now in completely random order.

Naturally I want nothing less than swift, brutal justice to be dealt to the perpetrator of this heinous crime. This person is a danger to society and themselves, and they must be caught.

I cannot overemphasise the gravity of this situation. If this kind of behaviour isn't nipped in the bud now, who knows how long until this person progresses to more serious crimes, like serial killing? It is for this reason that I'm offering a cash reward* to whoever provides information leading to this persons capture and conviction.

Should you have any information, please call Crimestoppers immediately on 1800 333 000.


P.S. The 8th of October is missing. A clue?

* Please note cash reward will not exceed monetary value of the calendar.

DOESN'T QUITE COMPUTE

Newz from New Zealand:

An Israeli tourist tired of wolf whistles from road workers in New Zealand stripped off her clothes in a show of defiance, police say.

The woman was about to use an ATM in the main street of Kerikeri, in the far north of the country, when the men whistled, the New Zealand Press Association reported.

She calmly stripped off, then used the cash machine, before getting dressed and walking away.

The woman told police she did not take too kindly to the whistling from the men repairing the road.

"She said she had thought 'bugger them, I'll show them what I've got'," Police Sergeant Peter Masters told NZPA.

I'm sure they learnt their lesson.

TERROR ON THE HIGH SEAS REVISITED

My family, having learnt nothing from our last naval catastrophe, went up to Gosford over the weekend and once again decided it would a good idea to hire a boat and hit the water.

The guy who hired it out to us called it a "boat", although it would be more accurate to describe it as a glorified dingy:

Now that's just crap.

As could have been predicted, the engine cut out just as we were at the furthest point from the wharf.

The boat later went down with all six souls on board. May god have mercy on them all.

P.S. The tale of how I survived is a long and tedious one. I'll tell you about it some day.