THEY DO NOT LOOK LIKE ME

While spying on Miles I discovered this, a site where you can upload a picture of yourself and have it tell you which celebrities you most look like. It sounds foolish and it is foolish, but I've decided to investigate this tedious process anyway so that you, the public, can know that it is safe:



Completely wrong, much as I expected. Don't ask me why the program chose to zoom in on my front teeth. Perhaps it believed that was the most attractive part of my face, in spite of the fact they're chipped to buggery. The more observant among you will have also noticed the colours in my photo are inverted. I did this to prevent the nutters from learning my secret identity.

Since this particular program clearly isn't up to the job, I asked the magic mirror on my wall which celebrities I look like, with scary results:











William Dafoe: 94%













Steve Buscemi: 98%

Christopher Walken: 100%

Appalling.