TOURISTS who do not want to be ripped off in Venice have been advised to stop their brutish behaviour and try to learn a bit of the local lingo.
A significant proportion of the city's bars and restaurants are now operating two, or even three, price lists: one for tourists, another for locals, and a third for "sympathetic" tourists who make more effort than the usual grunted demands.
"There are different pricing levels," admitted Franco Conte, the head of the Venetian branch of Codacons, the Italian consumer rights group. "If you are Italian, a croissant and a cappuccino costs €3.50 [$5.60]. If you speak another language it costs €7."
Should you be unfortunate enough to find yourself in Italy, I have provided here a list of phrases you can use in order to make your stay marginally more tolerable:
Please can I have the bill?
Ti mi fa el conto?
Why do I have to pay double?
Parcossa go dar pagar el dopio?
Do you think I am made of money?
Pensi che go le man sbuxe?
I'm never coming back to Venice!
Mi no tornarò piu a Venesai!
You have made a powerful enemy this day!
Avete reso ad un nemico potente questo giorno!
I will kill you so hard, your ancestors will die!
Li ucciderò in modo da duro, i vostri antenati moriranno!
Now you will taste the back of my hand!
Ora assagerete la parte posteriore della mia mano!
For full effect, that last one should be accompanied by a sudden back-handed slap. That none-too-subtle message should overcome any remaining language barriers.
P.S. Kudos to Alta Vista for the translations, although I'm sure they screwed it up.
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