EMAIL ONE

Subject: They'll rue the day the crossed me

As you all may or may not be aware, I make the occasional trip to the gym. In doing so I would typically park on the street, unless there's no room on the street in which case I would park in the neighbouring bowling alley's car park. Sure, there's a sign saying "bowling patrons only, offenders will be towed", but the park is usually fairly deserted, and as I've parked there in the past without incident I figured they'd be cool with it.

Anyway, when I returned to retrieve my car yesterday I was appalled to find they had locked the gate shut, sealing my car in. I can say with confidence no one in history has suffered a greater injustice!

Now in the spirit of violent over-reaction (which seems to be in vogue at the moment), and in the absence of any clearly defined rules on who may issue fatwa's and in what circumstances they may be issued, I have decided to issue my own fatwa (this email) to my follower's (that's you guys) to wage unceasing jihad against the AMF bowling alley in Hornsby until every employee there is dead. Or at least so badly incapacitated that they wish they were dead.

That'll show those f***s.

If you're interested in finding these agents of misery so that you may exact justice upon them, simply look for the giant bowling pin that towers menacingly over all of Hornsby, intimidating locals and discouraging opposition to their iron-fisted rule.

Viva-la-revolution!


P.S. I considered extending the fatwa to AMF Australia, but if I had called them to complain they probably wouldn't know what the hell I was talking about, or even that a bowling alley in Hornsby exists. It would obviously be unfair to punish the many for the actions of a few. I do have a sense of justice, you know. Wouldn't want to be labelled an extremist.