IRAQI OIL RANT

In lieu of producing any content that's original or interesting, I have decided to re-post an old tirade of mine. In light of today's sky-rocketing oil prices, it remains as relevant and insightful today as when I wrote it back in 2003:

The people who know me will have noticed that recently I have become enraged...much more so than usual. And all the time too, not just on weekdays or after a few pints. Why you ask, why!? Is it because some kid vomited on his new shoes? Did he get pulled over by the cops cause he ran over some pedestrian who deserved it? Was he bitten by a smelly hippy, so now he will become one?

All those things happened, but they aren't why I'm angry at this particular moment. No, the answer is much more obvious.

I'm angry about the substance that greases our TV screens, burns in our light bulbs and causes the earth to spin on it's axis around the sun. I'm talking about the stuff that all life depends upon, that sweet, black, Texas-T style oil! God I love it, but on the other hand, I hate paying for it, and that's part of why I'm angry. Allow me to explain.

As we all know, the only reason I supported the Iraq war was so that I could save a few bucks down at the gas station. At least I can be honest about it. Some of those right-wingers are still trying to convince us they supported the war because of "Weapons of mass destruction" and "humanitarian" reasons, but now that we have conclusive proof that there were never any WMD's, and that no crimes were ever committed by Saddam at any stage, I think a few more conservatives are going to come out with the truth: "We wanted Iraqi oil by the barrelful, yeeeehaw!" - Cheney.

But don't think the right-wingers are the only ones who got it all wrong. I remember it was the protesters, not the neo-cons, who were promising me the big oil savings. "Blood for oil?" I thought, watching one of many protests. "Sounds like a fair trade to me!”

But now I find the exact opposite has happened! Uncertainty over the Iraq war has actually contributed to increasing oil prices, along with increasing demand in India and China. And it gets worse. I opened up the paper the other day to find that Australia is waiving a $600 million debt owed to us for wheat shipments we made before 1991, $500 million of which will be paid for by ME, John Q. Taxpayer! I have to pay $3 for a loaf of bread, meanwhile the government is handing out the stuff for free!

What a rip! But anyway, where was I?

Ah yes, the Iraqi oil price scandal.

In light of the fact that oil prices have gone through the roof, no significant stockpiles of WMD's have been found, and that Muqtada al-Sadr has just been elected president of the interim Iraqi government (an event that will no doubt precede the total collapse of Iraq), it is clear that we should not have invaded Iraq.

Instead, we should have invaded India and China.

A quick, decapitation strike aimed at their governments should be able to stop them before they can get their fingers on their nuclear mega-death kill switches. Then we can relax, sit back and enjoy the show as a general bombing campaign aimed at their infrastructure/businesses/oil refineries/homes etc blasts them until there's nothing left.

Because if they think they're going to enjoy economic prosperity at my expense, even if that expense amounts to a few cents a litre, then they can bloody well think again!